Emotional Intelligence as a Foundation for Healthy Child Development
Emotional Intelligence is defined as the ability of a person to recognize and control their emotions and understand how those around them feel. Research shows that this emotional awareness plays a very important role in our lives, as it determines happiness and success as well as our interpersonal relationships. Children with developed emotional intelligence have higher self-esteem, more and more stable friends, better school performance, can recognize social cues and others’ intentions, control their impulses, and cope more easily with life’s difficulties.
How is Emotional Intelligence Formed?
Emotional intelligence depends to some extent on the child’s temperament, but it is mainly shaped by interaction with parents. The family is the first school of emotional education, and parents are the main educators. Their influence begins from the first days of life when the autonomic nervous system is still forming. For parents to be effective in their role as emotional educators, they must first and foremost have developed the ability of empathy. That is, they must be able to put themselves in the child’s shoes and see things from their perspective. They need to understand how the child feels and experiences their experiences. One way to achieve this might be to compare the child’s experiences with their own similar experiences. For example, if your child argues with a classmate at school, think about how you would feel if you argued with a colleague at work. When children feel that their parents understand their experiences, they calm down and feel they have an ally they can turn to for help at any time.
It is also very important for parents to be aware of their own emotions and not be afraid to express them. They often worry that they will lose control if they show their anger or sadness, that they will emotionally harm the child, or that the child will start to imitate them. However, a child who sees their parents having negative emotions feels more comfortable when they have similar emotions. They are not afraid to express them and do not think something is wrong because they feel the way they do. The emotional expression of parents is a powerful lesson for children, as long as it is not done in ways that are destructive to their relationship.
In the same way, we accept all the child’s emotions as natural, we do not underestimate or diminish them, nor do we criticize the child. Instead, we help them verbalize their emotions and see them as a good opportunity for intimacy and guidance. At the same time, we set limits on behavior. All emotions are acceptable, but not all behaviors are. We explain to the child what is allowed and what is prohibited and set the rules. At the same time, we help them find other ways to release these emotions and solve the problem. We encourage them to think of alternative solutions, evaluate them, and start implementing them. We do not impose our ideas on children and do not disapprove of them even if we do not agree with their ideas.
The Goal of Emotional Education
Many parents tend to underestimate children’s intense emotions simply because they are small and their experiences are limited. Thus, they try to distract the child from them or “bribe” them in the hope that they will forget. In some cases, they may even scold or punish the child for feeling that way. These tactics will only have a temporary effect, while in the long term, the problems that will arise will be much more. The goal of emotional education is not to suppress or curb emotions but to explore and understand them. Only in this way will the child develop into an autonomous and emotionally healthy personality, who will not be ashamed of their emotions but will be able to manage them.
Ioanna Kouria, Psychologist – Family Therapist.
Resource: https://www.ioannakouria.gr/
Bibliography. Gottman J. (2011). The emotional intelligence of the children. Publisher Pedio. Goleman D. (2011). The emotional intelligence. Why “EQ” is more important than “IQ”; Publisher Pedio.
[Mini College, bilingual nursery & kindergarten, Kifissia]
