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Setting Boundaries for Children: How Do I Set the Example as a Parent?

The word “boundaries” can be difficult to say and even harder to implement. Often, even we adults struggle to adhere to the boundaries we set for ourselves, let alone those set by others. Now, as parents, we are tasked with setting boundaries for our children and expecting them to follow them. First, it’s important to note that children act as mirrors. Yes, I know you’ve heard this phrase countless times, but unfortunately or fortunately, it is entirely true.

If you don’t adhere to simple boundaries in your daily life, don’t expect your children to follow the boundaries you set for them. Let’s take a look at what boundaries are and what they are not.

What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries are respect, freedom, balance, taking personal responsibility, self-confidence, love, protection, need, desire, and mutual understanding. On the other hand, boundaries are NOT strictness, restriction, punishment, rigidity, threat, or an unyielding line. Remember, in the relationship between you and your child, YOU are the adult!

This means that until your child reaches adulthood, YOU are:

  • The first to listen
  • The first to forgive
  • The first to understand
  • The first to apologize
  • The first to compromise
  • The only one who will always find a way out when things get out of hand.

To set boundaries for our children, we must follow certain rules ourselves and not deviate from them when things get tough.  

7 Rules for Your Own Boundaries

Stay firm in your decision: No means no, and yes means yes! Children understand everything. If they sense there is an escape route and a chance to bypass the boundaries you set, consider it already done.

Explain exactly what you mean and MEAN IT! Otherwise, children get confused. Also, keep in mind that you will need to provide the necessary explanations for anything you say. So, think before you speak.

Don’t make promises you CAN’T keep! Children remember everything, especially what interests them!

Respect is a two-way street, not a one-way road: You must first respect your child for them to respect you. Courtesy and respect are essential to building a trusting and cooperative relationship with your little one.

Listen to your child and acknowledge their feelings: Let them talk to you and express everything that weighs on them. Say, “I hear you,” “I understand you.” Give them the necessary time to respond and, above all, listen with your ears and your heart.

Establish small daily routines: This creates a sense of security for children and teaches them to manage their time correctly.

Act as a team: Parents must have a united front in front of the children; otherwise, they won’t know what to follow and will get confused. Also, be a team with your children. Involve them in the process of setting goals and boundaries.

Always explain what you want your child to do, not what you DON’T want. Explain what you expect from them and ask for a thank you in advance! Finally, try to use positive reinforcement, not negative. That means pleasure, not whining. Pride, not criticism. Love, not comparison.

Ensure that the YOU your children see is the YOU you WANT THEM TO BECOME!

By Maria Dimitriou, Kindergarten Teacher.

Resource: https://www.projectparenting.gr

[Mini College, bilingual nursery & kindergarten, Kifissia]